Thursday, July 16, 2009
Animated Sun rise and Sun set in Hong Kong
Move your cursor up and down over the image to see the transition from sun rise to sun set.
Monday, June 29, 2009
ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of o! dds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS!
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of o! dds and ends
And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS!
Modern Heights
1. What is height of Fashion?
A. Dhoti with a zip .
************ **
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
************ **
3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
************ **
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
************ **
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
************ **
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
************ **
7. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
************ **
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
************ **
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.
************ **
A. Dhoti with a zip .
************ **
2. What is height of Secrecy?
A. Offering blank visiting cards.
************ **
3. What is height of Active laziness?
A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
************ **
4. What is height of Craziness?
A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
************ **
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
************ **
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
************ **
7. What is height of Honesty?
A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
************ **
8. What is height of Suicide?
A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
************ **
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A. A cow giving milk powder.
************ **
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Learning Alfabet The Punjabi Way!
Say them out loud :)
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 2 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 2 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Installing Husband 1.0
A desperate woman
writes to
the Technical support Guy,
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS
5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
x0x0x0x0x0x
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: i thought you loved me. html and try to
download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0
or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will
download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications
and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support
writes to
the Technical support Guy,
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS
5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
x0x0x0x0x0x
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: i thought you loved me. html and try to
download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0
or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will
download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system
resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications
and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support
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