Saturday, November 8, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Policies and Procedures
In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.
Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.
All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced.
The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.
This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.
However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder.
All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
*********
AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.
Only great minds can read this!!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Do you get lots of annoying calls from telemarketers?
Don't get upset about it! Use the opportunity to get a laugh!
*******
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
*******
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
*******
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name.
Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
*******
4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
*******
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
*******
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak.
This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
*******
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
*******
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
*******
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
*******
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
*******
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
*******
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
*******
13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
*******
14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.
*******
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
*******
16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell.
If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.
*******
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
*******
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...louder... louder... louder...
*******
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
*******
20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back.
If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home.
If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.
*******
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
*******
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
*******
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name.
Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
*******
4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
*******
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
*******
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak.
This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
*******
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
*******
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
*******
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
*******
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
*******
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
*******
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
*******
13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
*******
14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.
*******
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
*******
16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell.
If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.
*******
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
*******
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...louder... louder... louder...
*******
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
*******
20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back.
If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home.
If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.
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