The population of India is 100 crores.
100,000,00,000
But 19 crores are retired.
-19,000,00,000
That leaves 81 crores do the work.
81,000,00,000
There are 25 crores in school,
-25,000,00,000
which leaves 56 crores to do the work.
56,000,00,000
Of this there are 22 crores employed by the
Central Govt,
-22,000,00,000
leaving 34 crores to do the work.
34,000,00,000
4 crores are in the Armed Forces,
-4,000,00,000
which leaves 30 crores to do the work.
30,000,00,0 00
Take away from above total the 20 crores people
work
for State Governments
(State Government employees officially do not
work!)
-20,000,00,000
and that leaves 10 crores to do the work.
10,000,00,000
Total unemployed are 8 crores
-8,000,00,000
and that leaves 2 crores to do the work.
2,000,00,000
At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in
hospitals,
-1,200,00,000
leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.
80,00,000
Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute,
there are
79,99,998
people are in prisons throughout the country.
-79,99,998
That leaves just 2 people to do the work.......
2
You and me!!!
And currently YOU are sitting at your computer reading
mails.
So I am
the only person in our country who is working! And
that's why India
is surviving!!!
Now, please log out and do your job because, for a
change, I want to rest. And I don't want India to suffer
because of that!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Telegram
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station
sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station
to return to her husband. At the reservation counter,
while her turn came, it was the last
ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the
queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall
be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth
to an old lady."
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a
party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants put
on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's
put, "You are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man
says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the
top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real
fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire
party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are
not getting better at the top, You are getting older at
the bottom".
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's
house in Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a
telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram.
When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: "Sethji aaj mar gaye !"
(Sethji Ajmer gaye)
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station
sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station
to return to her husband. At the reservation counter,
while her turn came, it was the last
ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the
queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall
be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth
to an old lady."
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a
party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants put
on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's
put, "You are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man
says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the
top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real
fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire
party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are
not getting better at the top, You are getting older at
the bottom".
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's
house in Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a
telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram.
When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: "Sethji aaj mar gaye !"
(Sethji Ajmer gaye)
I dint no.. did u??
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one(1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters
from the word "criminal."
The second ?
William Jefferson Clinton
(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Zonelam 08
To all Konkani Lovers & Haters out there,
The Government in Goa has managed to come to atleast one unanimous decision: they have commissioned Bill Gates to create a Konkani Version of Windows 2008 exclusively for Goa and other Konkan regions in
The Microsoft Team is already hard at work on this new totally new interactive CD-ROM upgrade, which is to be called "ZONELAM 2008".
In this version, a mouse shall be called UNDIR. A mouse buttom shall be called UNDRACHO BUTAO. As ZONELAM 08 opens, the theme music shall "UNDRA MOJEA MAMA".
Here is a preview of some commands which have already been worked out by the Microsoft Team
Ignore = Mar Shendi
Exit = Vashimbor
Click = Fottu Kadd
Double Click= Don Fottu Kadd
Byte = Ghass Mar
Save = Bankan dorr
Hide = Lipoi
Unhide = Sogleank dakoi
Hang = Lamboi
Stop = Tamboi
Move = Aloi
Turn on = Pettoi
Turn off = Paloi
Yahoo = Shami Kapoor
WORD 7 = UTOR 7
EXCEL = SHANPON
Delete = Zok Mar
Open = Dakoi
Enter = Bhitor hio
Insert = Bhitor ghal
PageUp = Voir cadd
PageDown = Sokol cadd
BackSpace = Fattlean suat
Close =
Save = Samavun dhor
Home = Ghara voch
End = Kabar
I hope my contributions are worth and I hope people at MS won’t have problems accepting our additions. Meanwhile, Siolekar would have been better named as COPCAR (:-) instead of Papde. The name BILL GATES would translate as "KONTACHE DARVANTTE". The name MICROSOFT would translate as "DAKTULLO POCPOCHIT. There is still some disagreement over whether the ZONELAM 2008 Version will use the Devnagri or the Roman Script.
Mr.Churchill Alemao has however denounced that this disagreement is purely politically motivated, and has suggested a novel way to reach a compromise by using the Greek script, as he claims that, that is what computers are to him.
Apple Macintosh, of course, has made a very strong bid for the Konkani version of their own superior but limited-use specialised software.
However the latest update on the situation is that the Goan Government has insisted they change their logo from an Apple to a Cashew first.
Finally, should one fail to exit ZONELAM 08 properly before shut-down, the new version has been fitted with a warning device which will activiate a reminder alarm in two-voice harmony digitally sampled from the vocal cords of Goan troubadros Mr.Caetano de Abreu and Mr.Timoteo
Fernandes, which goes as "Goenchim computeram, Mottinch pomprelam, Ratin ukttim
dottai Zonelam...
Hoi Zonelam".
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
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