Scene: Two Surds (1&2), and a Monkey and some scientists with their Chairman (CM).
Sub: Launching of Space shuttle with Both Surds and the monkey in it.
CM: Hello Surds, I am giving three letters to you, one to each, and I order you not see the letters of the others till you finish the assignment. You have to open your letters after the shuttle takes off. (The surds agree to it and enter the space shuttle along with the monkey.)
(Count down starts 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 and the Rocket takes off)
(Both the Surds get curious about the third letter addressed to the monkey.)
1st Surd to the 2nd: Hey! Can you guess what might be there in that monkey's letter?
2nd surd: I am not a fool to break my head thinking about it and wasting time. Let us see what is there in it?
The 1st Surd agrees and both open the letter and they find lot of instructions like, Switch on Red button to the right after reaching 100000 ft, Take Pictures of the Earth, Release so and so button... etc and the list
continues...
After going through this, the Surds think, "Oh! When Monkey has got these many things to perform we must have also been given brain draining tasks."
So they open their respective letters simultaneously. Both will find...
(IN RED LETTERS),
"FEED THE MONKEY EVERY HALF AN HOUR WITH OUT FAIL."
>>>>>>
One day, as the Sardar taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied priest."No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in."The happy priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road. Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the Pakistani. However even though he was certain he missed the Paki , he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani".That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
>>>>>>
The Pope was on his way to the UN building, to give a very important speech. But his plane was late and there was a lot of heavy traffic. He kept telling the chauffeur to go faster. The chauffeur turned around and
said "Your holiness, I'm trying to go as fast as I can, If I go any faster I will get another speeding ticket and I will lose my license" And the Pope said, "I understand, I will drive!"
So the Pope got up into the drivers seat and he started going 160 MPH. So a cop pulls him over and says, "Oh I am sorry my holiness, go along." So then the cop takes out his cell phone and dials the station and says, "Guess who I pulled over?"
"Who, the Mayor?"
"Bigger than that!"
"The Governor?"
"Bigger than that."
"The President?"
"No, bigger."
"Then who?"
"I don't know, but his chauffeur is the Pope!!!."t" said the Chief Priest.
>>>>>>
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay.
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything.
What could I do? Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Sant happened? They asked.
Well, said Santa Singh, First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here. Yes, yes,.. and then??? asked the crowd. I don't know, said Santa Singh, He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.
>>>>>>
A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.
Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest.
Bill: Dig the ground.
Sardarji did it.
Bill: more...more...more...
Sardarji went upto 100 feet
Bill: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.
Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill was in India.
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
The same...he takes Bill to a forest.
Sardarji : Dig it.
Bill does.
Sardarji : more...more...more...
Bill goes upto almost 400 feet..
Sardarji : try to find something.
Bill tries.
Sardarji : Did you get anything ?
Bill : No, there is nothing here.
Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have
WIRELESS!!
>>>>>>
While visiting England, President Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the ;Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?
Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up ; and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman ; of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse ;Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can ;answer a question for me." ; Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this ; child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" ; Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get ; back to you?"; Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other ;senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for or sister.
Who is it ; several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in ; desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and ; explains his problem.; "Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a ; child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" ; Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker." Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I ; know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"
>>>>>>
Two Singhs (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!".The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it."
Sub: Launching of Space shuttle with Both Surds and the monkey in it.
CM: Hello Surds, I am giving three letters to you, one to each, and I order you not see the letters of the others till you finish the assignment. You have to open your letters after the shuttle takes off. (The surds agree to it and enter the space shuttle along with the monkey.)
(Count down starts 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 and the Rocket takes off)
(Both the Surds get curious about the third letter addressed to the monkey.)
1st Surd to the 2nd: Hey! Can you guess what might be there in that monkey's letter?
2nd surd: I am not a fool to break my head thinking about it and wasting time. Let us see what is there in it?
The 1st Surd agrees and both open the letter and they find lot of instructions like, Switch on Red button to the right after reaching 100000 ft, Take Pictures of the Earth, Release so and so button... etc and the list
continues...
After going through this, the Surds think, "Oh! When Monkey has got these many things to perform we must have also been given brain draining tasks."
So they open their respective letters simultaneously. Both will find...
(IN RED LETTERS),
"FEED THE MONKEY EVERY HALF AN HOUR WITH OUT FAIL."
>>>>>>
One day, as the Sardar taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied priest."No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in."The happy priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road. Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the Pakistani. However even though he was certain he missed the Paki , he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani".That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
>>>>>>
The Pope was on his way to the UN building, to give a very important speech. But his plane was late and there was a lot of heavy traffic. He kept telling the chauffeur to go faster. The chauffeur turned around and
said "Your holiness, I'm trying to go as fast as I can, If I go any faster I will get another speeding ticket and I will lose my license" And the Pope said, "I understand, I will drive!"
So the Pope got up into the drivers seat and he started going 160 MPH. So a cop pulls him over and says, "Oh I am sorry my holiness, go along." So then the cop takes out his cell phone and dials the station and says, "Guess who I pulled over?"
"Who, the Mayor?"
"Bigger than that!"
"The Governor?"
"Bigger than that."
"The President?"
"No, bigger."
"Then who?"
"I don't know, but his chauffeur is the Pope!!!."t" said the Chief Priest.
>>>>>>
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar won, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope won, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay.
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything.
What could I do? Meanwhile, the Sardar community had crowded around Sant happened? They asked.
Well, said Santa Singh, First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here. Yes, yes,.. and then??? asked the crowd. I don't know, said Santa Singh, He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.
>>>>>>
A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.
Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest.
Bill: Dig the ground.
Sardarji did it.
Bill: more...more...more...
Sardarji went upto 100 feet
Bill: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.
Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill was in India.
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
The same...he takes Bill to a forest.
Sardarji : Dig it.
Bill does.
Sardarji : more...more...more...
Bill goes upto almost 400 feet..
Sardarji : try to find something.
Bill tries.
Sardarji : Did you get anything ?
Bill : No, there is nothing here.
Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have
WIRELESS!!
>>>>>>
While visiting England, President Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the ;Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?
Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up ; and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman ; of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse ;Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can ;answer a question for me." ; Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this ; child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" ; Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get ; back to you?"; Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other ;senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for or sister.
Who is it ; several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in ; desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and ; explains his problem.; "Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a ; child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" ; Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker." Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I ; know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"
>>>>>>
Two Singhs (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!".The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it."
No comments:
Post a Comment